[Jokes & Riddles Mania]

I got some pretty corny ones -.-

1. what's a skeletoon's favorite music?
-Hip Pop


2. Why couldn't Dracula's wife sleep at night?
- Because of his coughing.


3. What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
BYE-SON

Well at least we got something new to play with

Ok, here's mine and get ready to be amazed by it!

1. What is sweet and never on time?
-Choco-late *DERP*

2. What you call a witch in a desert?
-Sandwitch

3. Why is it easy to weigh fish?
-They have their own scale

4. How to communicate with a fish?
- Just drop him a line

5. Why you don't see penguins in Britain?
- Cuz they are afraid of Whales

6. What to say to a gang of dogs when they are barking?
- Supwoofers!

3, 4, and 5 had me cracking up the most


THis one is a riddle :O

I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all, To live and to breathe on this terrestrial ball. What am I?

-Tomorrow


This one is a joke

1. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tank!
Tank who?
Your welcome!


2. Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
-Because it's pointless!!!!!!!

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

because cows got the udder !

-What did the boat say when it came ashore?
--What's up dock?

-What do aliens put in their hot chocolate?
--Mars-mallows!

-Where do fish keep their money?
--The river bank!

-What do cows do on a Saturday night?
--They go to the MOO-vies!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''




A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''




A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to f$%! your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.” .............
( Not meant to be offensive to anyone)

I have a riddle (wont say the solution, to keep you in awe )

You died, you arrive at 2 doors, both white, no difference in them whatsoever.
Between the door are 2 guys and a sign that sais:"One of us always speaks the truth, one of us always lies."
There is also no difference between the guys.
How do you find out which door leads to heaven if you can only ask 1 question to one of the 2 guys?

btw LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL at the previous posts xD

Quote :

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to f$%! your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.” .............

-proceeds on a rage fest-

Just kidding, I laughed a lot at this one.

And I still haven't puzzled yours out yet, Raven.

@ raven do you ask " Which door takes me heaven?" pretty complicated ... u should say the answer lol plzzzz

@ Eri, ikr it got me cracking upp

. What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
-BANANANAAAAAA!


.How does Hitler tie his shoes?
-With little nazis

Here's a riddle of my own (that I so didn't google >.>)

The cost of making only the maker knows. Valueless if bought but sometimes traded. A poor man may give one as easily as a king. When one is broken pain and deceit are assured. What Is It?

Answer:

Spoiler:

 

A promise

Why the crab doesn't share his toys?

Spoiler:

 

-Cause he's a little shell fish!

Why can't you tell an egg a joke?

Spoiler:

 

-Cause he will crack up!

Knock knock
-Who's there?

Spoiler:

 

Atch

-Atch who?

Spoiler:

 

Bless you!

What part of a car is always there, but you never want to use?

The answer to mine is: Ask either one of them which door they deserve. The one that always tells the truth sais he deserves heaven, the one who lies also sais he deserves heaven because he always lies and actually deserves hell... see, easy peasy

That is not easy Raven!

Kiddosr wrote:

Ravenstorm wrote:

The answer to mine is: Ask either one of them which door they deserve. The one that always tells the truth sais he deserves heaven, the one who lies also sais he deserves heaven because he always lies and actually deserves hell... see, easy peasy

Depending on your view on religion, whether the person who doesn't lie can judge whether or not he deserves heaven.....

Ravenstorm wrote:

You died, you arrive at 2 doors, both white, no difference in them whatsoever.
Between the door are 2 guys and a sign that sais:"One of us always speaks the truth, one of us always lies."
There is also no difference between the guys.
How do you find out which door leads to heaven if you can only ask 1 question to one of the 2 guys?

A better question is to ask either Person A or Person B "Which door will the other person say leads to heaven?"

Let Door 1 = heaven and Door 2 = not heaven
If you asked Truthful person = "the other person (liar) will tell you that Door 2 will lead you to heaven." <- as they always tell the truth
If you asked Liar = "the other person (truthful person) will tell you that Door 2 will lead you to heaven." <- as they always lie
Hence, no matter who you asked, take the door that wasn't mentioned.


Disclaimer: the idea works for all riddles where there is one person that always lies and one that always tells the truth and 1 question.

TL;DR: Kiddo says something amazingly intelligent to confuzzle those of lesser minds (ie. Erianx) .
15. How many letters are in the alphabet?

Spoiler:

 

There are eleven letters in "the alphabet."

LordPopoy wrote:

What part of a car is always there, but you never want to use?

uhhhhhh is it the the front part o.0 lol what is it?

Ravenstorm wrote:

The answer to mine is: Ask either one of them which door they deserve. The one that always tells the truth sais he deserves heaven, the one who lies also sais he deserves heaven because he always lies and actually deserves hell... see, easy peasy

hah makes sense but i never would have guessed it

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy?? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."


So this neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How much will that be?” the neutron asks.

“For you,” replies the bartender, “no charge.”